RIP Eddie Valiant

Dedicated to Robert William "Bob" Hoskins, Jr. (26 October 1942 – 29 April 2014). Thanks for all the laughs, Bob.

---

Edward “Eddie” Valiant’s funeral would probably go down in history as one of the most widely attended ever.

In addition to being attended by his widow, Dolores Valiant, their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, and many humans who were either their friends or just people who Eddie had helped in some way, it was also one of the largest Toon turnouts at a funeral ever.

In fact, many had taken to wearing black when not recording since learning of his death.
Given the drinking Eddie had once done, it was almost a surprise he had lived as long as he had. His close friends and family would attribute it to Eddie’s habit of proving people wrong, even when he doubted it himself.

Many Toons spoke at his funeral. It was no surprise, really. Huey, Dewey, and Louie’s kidnapping case had been solved by Eddie and his brother, Teddy. The two had cleared Goofy of espionage charges. Eddie himself had gotten Yosemite Sam cleared of false charges and out of prison.

But what he was perhaps most famous for was clearing Roger Rabbit of murder charges, and saving Toontown itself.

Roger Rabbit himself was the last to speak. In fact, it was before they lowered him into the ground.

He had barely spoken during the service. It had been strange to see him so quiet, and yet understandable. Roger and Eddie had been close for years.

Still, it had been startling when he had yelled for the cemetery workers to wait. They had looked at Dolores, who merely nodded. First at them, and then for Roger to say what he needed to say while Jessica came to stand next to him.

Roger took a deep breath and began to speak, “The first time I met Eddie, Maroon had hired him to see if Jessica was cheating on me, and he was showing us the incriminating photos. We later learned they were staged, but that didn’t change the circumstances.
“When I learned I was being set up for murdering Marvin Acme, I immediately went to find his office. Even if he hadn’t worked for a while, every Toon talked about how you went to Valiant and Valiant for help. Even if Eddie wouldn’t admit it, our friendship started there.

“That adventure changed the both of us. It taught me just how brave I could be. it taught Eddie how to laugh again, how to trust Toons again.

“In a way, I think we also both learned just how powerful a laugh can be.”

Roger took another deep, this time shaky breath.

“There have been times since then that I wondered what Eddie would be like as a Toon, or wished he was one. Sometimes, I thought about whether he should be made a Toon when… when this day finally came.”

He began to cry, and gratefully took a hankie from Jessica.

“But you know what? Every time, I decided, “No, Eddie can’t be a Toon”. No matter how much I may miss him, I will never allow a Toon of Eddie to be made. I’ve never been able to imagine what a Toon Eddie would be like.

“Because, you know what? It wouldn’t have been Eddie.”

He laid a yellow-gloved hand on the casket.

“He wouldn’t have been the Eddie Valiant that worked with his brother to help countless Toons. He wouldn’t have been the Eddie Valiant that decided to risk everything to help me, even when he didn’t like Toons, when I told him he was my only hope. He wouldn’t have been the Eddie Valiant who figured out how to take out the Weasels. He wouldn’t have been the Eddie Valiant who was brave enough to fight Judge Doom. He wouldn’t have been the Eddie Valiant who was able to keep his head straight when he found out Doom was the one to kill his brother. He wouldn’t have been the Eddie Valiant who was able to save me, Jessica, and all of Toontown. He wouldn’t have been the Eddie Valiant who was the reason countless Toons were alive, and had a place to live.”

Roger smiled and looked at the casket, “He wouldn’t have been the Eddie Valiant that was my friend. And that’s the Eddie Valiant I want to say goodbye to.”

---

Months later, a statue of Eddie Valiant and his brother Teddy (the latter of whom many agreed was long overdue) was erected in Toontown. It was just a normal bronze statue, but since it was in Toontown, it wasn’t going to respond to the elements so long as the town stood. Roger had paid for all of it, and even left space for a statue of Dolores to be added one day, with Eddie’s hand positioned to hold hers. Dolores had protested, but Roger and even Jessica had insisted her help in that case had been just as important as Eddie’s, and that they couldn’t really picture Eddie without her.

What probably sold her on it was taking a look at the picture of the three of them at the beach on her mantle.

Everyone who was at the funeral was there to watch Roger attach nameplates to the base.
After everyone else left, Dolores, Jessica, and Roger each traced the letters of first THEODORE “TEDDY” VALIANT, and then EDWARD “EDDIE” VALIANT.

Jessica held Roger close as he placed his fingers over the word “Eddie” after he was done as he said his last words before they left to take Dolores back to her waiting family and home.

“Goodbye, Eddie. Thanks for the laughs.”